One of America’s most beloved and respected writers, Mark Twain, is known for his sharp wit and humor. As an author, speaker, and social critic, he has provided us with some of the most memorable quotes of all time. Here are just a few of his most famous quotes:

 “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.” ― Mark Twain

 “Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.” ― Mark Twain

“I have found out there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” ― Mark Twain

“Loyalty to country, always. Loyalty to the government, when it deserves it.” ― Mark Twain

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform—or pause and reflect.” ― Mark Twain

“Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.” ― Mark Twain

 “Books are the liberated spirits of men.” ― Mark Twain

 “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” ― Mark Twain

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ― Mark Twain

“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” ― Mark Twain

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ― Mark Twain

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” ― Mark Twain

“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” ― Mark Twain

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” ― Mark Twain

 “Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.” ― Mark Twain

 “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” ― Mark Twain

“What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse—the necessity of securing one’s self-approval.” ― Mark Twain

“The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.” ― Mark Twain

 “With courage, you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.” ― Mark Twain

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” ― Mark Twain

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” ― Mark Twain

“Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.” ― Mark Twain

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” ― Mark Twain

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” ― Mark Twain

“Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it.” ― Mark Twain

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” ― Mark Twain

“The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.” ― Mark Twain

“What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one’s self-approval.” ― Mark Twain

“Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.” ― Mark Twain

“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” ― Mark Twain

“No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.” ― Mark Twain

“The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.” ― Mark Twain

“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.” ― Mark Twain

“Don’t wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality.” ― Mark Twain

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” ― Mark Twain

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” ― Mark Twain

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.” ― Mark Twain

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” ― Mark Twain

“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” ― Mark Twain

“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” ― Mark Twain

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” ― Mark Twain

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.” ― Mark Twain

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” ― Mark Twain

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” ― Mark Twain

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?” ― Mark Twain

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” ― Mark Twain

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ― Mark Twain

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” ― Mark Twain

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” ― Mark Twain

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” ― Mark Twain

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” ― Mark Twain

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” ― Mark Twain

“In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.” ― Mark Twain

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” ― Mark Twain

“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” ― Mark Twain

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Mark Twain

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” ― Mark Twain

“Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.” ― Mark Twain

“Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.”  ― Mark Twain

“There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.” ― Mark Twain

 “Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.”  ― Mark Twain

“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.” ― Mark Twain

“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them, the rest of us could not succeed.”  ― Mark Twain

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” ― Mark Twain

 “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” ― Mark Twain

“Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.”  ― Mark Twain

 “You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” ― Mark Twain

“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” ― Mark Twain

“The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.” ― Mark Twain

“I am as prompt as a clock, if I only know the day a thing is wanted—otherwise I am a natural procrastinaturalist.” ― Mark Twain

“I would rather have my ignorance than another man’s knowledge, because I have got so much more of it.”  ― Mark Twain

“Ah, well, I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God’s fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.” ― Mark Twain

“We chase phantoms half the days of our lives. It is well if we learn wisdom even then, and save the other half.” ― Mark Twain

“What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension.” ― Mark Twain

“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” ― Mark Twain

“What’s the use you learning to do right, when it’s troublesome to do right and ain’t no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?” ― Mark Twain

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”― Mark Twain

 “Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have someone to divide it with.”― Mark Twain

“The secret source of humour itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.”― Mark Twain

“Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.”― Mark Twain

“Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain’t so.”― Mark Twain

“It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all.”― Mark Twain

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”― Mark Twain

“Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well.”― Mark Twain

“Put all your eggs in one basket — and watch that basket!”― Mark Twain

“When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.”― Mark Twain

“Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink — under any circumstances.”― Mark Twain

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”― Mark Twain

“When your watch gets out of order you have a choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.”― Mark Twain

“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.”― Mark Twain

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward, it is not a compliment to say he is brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word.”― Mark Twain

“With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.”― Mark Twain

“Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.”― Mark Twain

“What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.”― Mark Twain

“The funniest things are the forbidden.”― Mark Twain

“Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any time.”― Mark Twain

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